Motherhood.

*big sigh*

Sorry for the delay! Life’s been busy.

That’s pretty much the same response everyone gets from me these days, this blog can be added to that list of recipients.

But it’s a blessing that that has to be my response.

I’ve been consciously limiting my social media and overall phone time and really trying to be present in the life that’s right in front of me. In all honesty it has been quite a task. It’s been engraved in my daily routine for over 10 years now. But adding a second kid and another fixer upper house into the mix has made me realize how wasteful I’ve been being with my ‘free’ time.

I know once we settle in the new house and get back into a routine, I will have real free time to toy with but I’m already lining up books to read, hobbies to try, activities to do with the kiddos and Michael to keep the phone down.

Now let’s get back to the real reason we’re here.

Somehow my first baby is going to be five years old in three days.

How. Is. That. Possible?

I’ve probably said this 10 plus times throughout my posts, but time truly goes by so fast its nauseating.

I feel like it was just yesterday Michael and I walked to Rite Aid and I took the test in my parent’s upstairs bathroom while everyone else was going about their lives unassuming of what was happening.

The pink line that changed everything. That changed the trajectory of mine and Michaels lives. That changed it all for the better.

Whether it’s unplanned like our Stella or planned like our Callum- it’s still the greatest adjustment to exist in a human’s life. You go from sleeping when you want, doing what you want, worrying about yourself to literally keeping another human alive until they know how to do it themselves. I know that’s not new info or groundbreaking, but when you sit and think about it, it’s pretty damn wild that your universe catapults into another reality in a matter of hours.

The first time around you’re just trying to get through the days. The second time around you really do soak it in more. I’m so much more aware of how fast the time goes and how precious each moment and milestone is.

Wanna hear something funny? But I know any mom out there with more than one kid most likely also thought this at one point – if not, good for you – that you weren’t sure how you could love a second child as much as you loved your first.

I would get sick to my stomach thinking of having to share myself with someone else other than Stella.

I would stress about not having enough space in my heart because I was convinced Stella took up all of it.

Those were the same thoughts I had when I thought about life going from just me and Michael to life with a baby and I was wrong. Grossly wrong.

The spaces in your heart don’t get divided, your heart grows to make more room.

I’m sure it sounds so corny, but I know any mom out there can relate.

And now that Stella is turning five, I just sit and giggle at the thought of how nervous I was both times around.

I see her hold Cal, I see her achieve a new goal, I see her dance and sing to her favorite songs, I see her color like she’s the next Picasso and I wonder how I ever had the nervous feeling of being a mom.

Not everyone chooses to be a mom, not everyone can be a mom, but I hope and hope and hope everyone has the same complete and utter joy from something in their lives like I get when I hear a giggle or see a smile or feel a hug from one of my creations.

As five years have passed, so many of the people around me have entered into parenthood too. Best friends, family members, people I knew growing up.

And each time I get told someone’s pregnant (and scream realllllly loud or say ‘are you serious’ 100 times) or read a pregnancy announcement and a birth announcement, a part of me feels so lucky to know the amount of joy that lies in front of them. To know the most exciting moments and tears of joy are waiting for them is so indescribable.

Yes, at times it is so defeating and exhausting. But in the grand scheme of motherhood/parenthood those not so smiley moments are a tiny blip.

Getting pregnant before many of our friends put a strain on trying to assimilate to their lives and keep things the same. No one was in the same phase as us and I don’t blame any of them for thinking we were absolute lunatics. But I do know that now they understand why we wouldn’t change a thing.

We just got a headstart on living life with our mini best friends.

And I am so happy things turned out the way they are. Stella has been my saving grace more times than she knows. During my mental health spiral two years ago, she was always worried about me crying. When I was puking for the first four months of pregnancy with Cal, she came in the bathroom to hold my hair and ask if I was ok. She’s probably retrieved about 500 baby wipes for me since Cal was born. She brings me back to the present with a simple ‘Momma listen to me’.

How lucky are we to be loved unconditionally by these little humans?

Sometimes I feel like I might spontaneously combust from all the love I have for them.

So yeah, you get the gist of this post.

I love my kiddos. I love watching people have kiddos. I love loving on all the other little babies in my life and I feel so honored that I get to watch so many people experience the love and joy that comes from this stage of life. I love witnessing so many incredible people thrive as parents.

Ok, I need to go to bed before I make myself cry. I don’t stay up past 9pm anymore and cry over things like typing a post about being a mom. Another *perk* of motherhood and postpartum hormones.

Love all you mothers (and non mothers) and fathers too, guess we wouldn’t be here without your five seconds of fame!!