4 Years Down.

I can’t believe 4 years ago today I bit the bullet and started this little thing.

I remember sitting in my room at my parents, single, watching the sunset, and writing my first letter.

I didn’t know if anyone would read them or if people would think I’m a weirdo. (I’m sure people think I’m weirdo but that’s ok).

Fast forward to tonight and I’m in my own house, with the life I’ve built surrounding me.

If you’re new here, I’ve always had a love for writing. I had English teachers nominate me for awards, I’ve had friends ask to read over speeches they wrote for weddings, I wrote all of my step-dads papers for his college classes. It’s something that has always come very naturally. I never truly loved being center of attention / am somewhat of an introvert so writing a blog was a way for people to get to know me and a hobby for myself. It’s not a diary, I have one of those that someone can publish when I die and make some money because there’s some crazy shit in there.

A guy I met on my bachelorette trip last weekend told me I think too much and if someone who knew me for 24 hours knew that, I’m screwed. I have a lot going on upstairs so this a little way to get it all out.

Get ready for a longer letter tonight because my fingers and brain have a lot to say.

Before I get started I wanted to acknowledge this gorgeous weather the Buffalo Mother Nature gave us (AKA the cold front that came in). My soul loves the cooler nights, the occasional cloudy day, the feel of fall. I’m not sure I ever wrote about that but the ones closest to me know that summer is second place compared to fall for me. I think that’s why my brain wants to write tonight, it’s content, I feel cozy and I’m ready to babble. I have my folky Spotify playlist playing too. (Listen along for the right vibe while reading: alexatimm23).

Alright Alright Alriiiight

So one week ago at this time I was in Put-In Bay, Ohio. For my bachelorette trip. That little island holds some of my favorite memories now. It reminded me how amazing the women surrounding me are. It reminded me that life’s too short to not make friends with a random group of people who turned out to be a hell of a fun time. It reminded me that I’m finally achieving my goal of not caring what people think of me as much. It reminded me how nice life is when you’re not attached to your phone. It reminded me that my anxiety still lingers and will come out of the woodwork at the most inopportune times. It also reminded me that there are some ruthless women that will be naked in front of strangers and I’m ok with never achieving that level of confidence. Maybe confidence is the wrong word… anyways…

I had a blast. My aunt whose my maid of honor absolutely killed it. It makes sense since she’s known me forever but she truly planned it so perfectly.

I let myself have some princess moments because I truly try my hardest to never make things about me. It was fun forcing people to do certain things but I’ve had my fill of that because I felt like a bitch hahaha. (Sorry Lauren and Ang for forcing you in the pool).

As life goes on I think everyone realizes that you’re in the middle of memories every single moment of your life. I felt this harder on the last night we were there. We were inside the condo getting ready to say goodbye to our new friends and fireworks started going off. In my drunken stupor I watched them explode over Lake Erie on the deck. I said out loud ‘This feels like a dream’. It was one of those moments where you know you’ll always remember it.

On the drive home it hit me that the next chapter of my life was happening. I am the adult. I am the mom. I am the bride to be. It’s a sobering fact when a lot of the time I think I’m still a year out high school with no responsibilites.

But I wouldn’t change a thing. If I could go back and change anything I would only change the fact that when I was younger I didn’t appreciate the little things as much. I always took a lot of pictures. I always had a lot of fun. But I don’t think I let myself soak it all in enough.

From here on out I’m letting it soak in. Like the way the sun soaked into my forehead last weekend to the point where I had to very attractively ice my forehead at a pool party with the ice from the alcohol bucket.

I guess I’ll wrap it up now. I have lots of fun coming up. Best friends birthdays, mini trips, my shower, and just that casual big party we’re throwing in September. Oh and then traveling to some national parks, no biggie. I’ll get back to the keyboard when the times right, as always.

Thank you for reading these past four years. I’ve loved all the input, comments (even the anonymous ones), love, and inspiration. A special thank you to my incredible family, my grandparents, aunts uncles, cousins, for all the support and words of encouragement. I’m a lucky gal and I hope these long ass fingers have lots more in them before arthritis takes over and I have to do talk to text.

-Lex.